Pricey Loyal Readers,
I’m away this week. Nevertheless, fairly than let this weblog lie fallow, I’ve placed on my rubber gloves, rummaged round in my archives, and and retrieved one moldy put up per day for recycling. Possibly you’ve learn them earlier than, possibly you haven’t, however every is a reminder of an easier time when street bikes had rim brakes, fixies had been nonetheless cool, and gravel was only a piece of street grit in Jobst Brandt’s eye. Anyway, I’ll be again on Monday, February twenty seventh, however within the meantime simply consider this because the “Greatest Of Previous Bike Snob,” or “BOOBS” for brief.
Additionally, a honest thanks to all of you who’ve donated to the continued mediocrity of this weblog. In the event you haven’t and also you’d nonetheless like to take action, particulars are right here. In the event you haven’t and also you don’t that’s fantastic too. Thanks as at all times for studying, and I’ll see you again right here on Monday the twenty seventh.
Yours and so on.,
Tan Tenovo
Showtime on the Apollo: Rock Racing Involves Harlem
[Originally published June 16th, 2008]
(Rock Wheelz–quick standing nonetheless.)
As I discussed final week, Rock Racing sponsored this yr’s Harlem Skyscraper race, which happened yesterday. This meant that Michael Ball and his ectoplasmic entourage had been on the town to provide us quaint New Yorkers a style of some actual Hollywood fashion. The motion began Friday with a Rock Racing journey in Central Park, and continued Saturday after they reportedly arrived late to a Prospect Park race, jumped in anyway, and proceeded to combine it up. (It’s attainable they could merely have been making an attempt to keep away from paying the entry payment.) However Sunday was the massive day, and Rock Racing didn’t disappoint. And by that, I don’t imply that they received, as a result of they didn’t, however I do imply that they really confirmed up on time. I used to be readily available to bask within the eerie, stomach-turning lime-green glow.
Just a few examples of the fashion Ball & Co. dropped at our in any other case boring and provincial lives right here in NYC had been a malfunctioning JumboTron:
A veritable armada of sickly inexperienced automobiles:
And actual, trustworthy to goodness California license plates.
(One factor they didn’t carry although was lube–a minimum of not bike lube. I personally witnessed a Rock Racing staffer buying a nearly-empty container of Triflow from an enterprising bystander for $5. This solely a day after their Prospect Park entry payment dodge. Are these the primary cracks within the Rock Racing facade?)
Regardless of Rock’s presence, although, some issues remained unmistakably New York. For instance, what’s extra New York than getting kitted up in a bus shelter?
If that’s not New York sufficient for you, then how about “Messenger Mania?” Yep, Harlem featured a relay race wherein messengers (or a minimum of folks dressed like them) rode across the circuit on bikes with too-narrow bars carrying the complete vary of FedEx packing supplies. (Together with these triangular containers.) The speeds had been as reasonable as the gang’s response. It was form of like a kiddie race, however with grown-ups, and with out screaming dad and mom:
This yr’s Harlem Skyscraper drew crowds from each nook of Bike Tradition. There have been Camelbak-wearing mountain bikers:
Recumbent-riding weirdos:
And fixters with more cash than sense.
Talking of the fixters, they positive love their U-locks and can discover any excuse to make use of them. This being a motorbike race, there have been unlocked $5,000 carbon street bikes all over the place you appeared, but the fixters made positive to safe even the junkiest bicycle if it was going to be unstraddled for even a second. If fixters had been cops and U-locks had been weapons then harmless folks could be shot hourly right here in New York Metropolis as an alternative of simply month-to-month like they’re now.
At this level you might be questioning concerning the race itself. Properly, this was a crit. So the riders went round and round actually quick a bunch of occasions. Like this:
Talking of issues going quick, merchandise was flying off the cabinets over on the Rock Racing tent. And by “flying” I don’t imply like a frightened flock of birds immediately taking to the air within the hundreds. I imply extra like a bunch of pelicans hanging out on a dock in that one may finally fly off to search for a fish or one thing, however in any other case they principally simply sat there:
Finally, after a lot using round, there was a winner. Discover the absence of inexperienced clothes. I’d think about Mr. Ball was fairly dissatisfied after sinking a bunch of cash into this factor. It’s type of like taking a paid escort to a celebration, solely to have her go dwelling along with your better-looking good friend totally free.
At this level you might be questioning: did I meet Michael Ball? Properly, the reply is sure. I went to Harlem decided not solely to satisfy him, but in addition to get his autograph. Till yesterday, there was just one individual in your entire world I’d ever approached for an autograph. That individual was heavy steel homunculus Glenn Danzig, who I noticed within the viewers at a Metallica live performance. He autographed my ticket stub. Right here it’s:
(Sure, that’s the actual deal. By the way in which, that Queensryche set was probably the most painful factor I’ve ever endured in my life. And I’ve ridden CX Nats.)
Getting in, I noticed I couldn’t ask Ball for an autograph made out to me, since I’m nameless. However I nonetheless wished to expertise the joys of assembly Ball and having him write on one thing. That’s when it occurred to me I’d by no means correctly thanked Lance Armstrong for all of the margaritas on the Mellow Johnny’s get together (nor correctly apologized for the mess I made in consequence). However, what do you get for a person who has all the pieces? Properly, you get him one thing he in all probability doesn’t have, and I made a decision that one thing was a hat from his personal bike store autographed by Michael Ball:
Sure, that’s certainly Michael Ball’s autograph. (By the way in which, Ball is even tanner in individual.) Please observe the orientation of the message. That’s so it’s legible when you’re sporting it. I wish to assume that Lance is perhaps out working a marathon or one thing, and that in a second of duress he’ll be on the verge of giving up. However then he’ll look up at that inspirational message which is able to encourage him to push by way of and kick that a lot more durable.
I’m going to carry on to this till I’ve an opportunity to provide it to him. Within the meantime, I’m retaining it hermetically sealed on this plastic bag that my new bib shorts got here in:
I don’t need to danger even the slightest injury. That is really a priceless piece of biking memorabilia
