Parenting teenagers is hard, and it may be tough to find out the suitable response when your little one does or says one thing upsetting. Even essentially the most affected person, well-meaning dad and mom make rash choices typically. Take it from this mother, who turned to Reddit for some unbiased perception after she canceled her son’s party over a sexist comment he made in passing.
/AmITheAsshole person @loopingtossaway offered this context: She had deliberate a three-day weekend at a ski resort for her 16-year-old son in honor of his seventeenth birthday. A bunch of his pals had been tagging alongside, too. “They began speaking about all kinds of issues, although,” she recalled, “and ultimately the subject of my son’s sexuality got here up.”
Her son is bisexual and at present relationship one other boy. These details aren’t points for her (and so they shouldn’t be for any father or mother — bisexuality is completely legitimate, and teenagers ought to have the ability to discover their sexuality freely). Somewhat, the issue was a throwaway remark @loopingtossaway overhead when her son was speaking to his pals.
“They’re asking him when he realized he was bisexual, when did he come out, when did he first date a man, what had been the variations between guys and women, and so forth.,” she defined. “Ultimately they ask him what’s his choice. He says, ‘Naturally, I don’t have a choice. I’m drawn to guys and women the identical, however after relationship women and guys, I can say girls aren’t definitely worth the bother.‘”
His reply caught her consideration, so she requested him to clarify additional. However based mostly on her recollection of the occasion, it looks like she barely gave her son the prospect: “I informed him, ‘If girls aren’t definitely worth the bother, then neither am I,’ so I wouldn’t be doing something for his birthday. He simply [stared] at me, so I stated ‘That’s what occurs whenever you’re a sexist jerk’ in entrance of his pals.“
In fact, @loopingtossaway’s son was upset about his birthday celebration being canceled as punishment… and embarrassed about it occurring in entrance of his pals.
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“He hasn’t spoken to me,” the mother wrote, “and members of our household are saying I shouldn’t have stated that and I shouldn’t have canceled his party. AITA?”
Redditors within the feedback had been fast to remind @loopingtossaway that youngsters usually make flippant feedback, particularly amongst their friends. Was his comment problematic? Positive, however canceling her son’s party over one remark was in all probability overkill. And doing so within the presence of his pals was very harsh.
“YTA,” one person wrote. “He’s 16; children say dumb issues.”
Actually, a direct (however non-public) dialog about why his logic was rooted in sexism doubtless would have been extra productive than such a extreme punishment. It’s onerous sufficient to be a queer teenager with out feeling like you’ll be able to’t communicate brazenly in entrance of your dad and mom.
“It’s completely overly harsh for a flippant remark made as a joke,” one other commenter opined. “I say this as a staunch feminist, bisexual lady in a relationship with one other lady. … Positive, have a convo with the child and ensure he’s not falling into misogynistic patterns. However cancelling a party over that is absolute overkill and can solely make him not belief or wish to be round Mother.“
“In case you suppose he’s being a sexist jerk, tackle how that got here to be and discover it,” another person suggested. “You’re his mother, and also you’re the one which alleged to information him.”
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