Eight months after The Wished star Tom Parker died of mind most cancers, his spouse Kelsey reveals her ongoing expertise of grief, and the bodily and psychological problem that can provide a possibility for contemplation and therapeutic
The weekend earlier than her interview with Happiful, actress and influencer Kelsey Parker was a visitor at a marriage the place she unexpectedly discovered herself sidelined by different company.
“Nobody wished to speak to me,” explains Kelsey. “Individuals don’t know what to say to me, so they are saying nothing in any respect. I attempted to talk to people who I hadn’t seen for some time, however after the ‘How are you?’ no one wished to take the dialog additional.”
For the uninitiated, that dialog is grief. And, based on Kelsey, the widow of singer and The Wished star Tom Parker who died in March on the age of 33, after an 18-month battle with mind most cancers, it’s time all of us did higher at talking out about life after loss.
“I’m dealing with my grief by talking about it, however within the UK we simply don’t speak actually and brazenly about grief, loss of life, and all the things else related to these painful experiences. These are realities that can someday have an effect on us all,” says Kelsey, who has made a six-part ITVBe miniseries about grief, which airs this month. Welcoming cameras into the south London dwelling she as soon as shared with Tom and their kids Aurelia, three, and Bodhi, two, and being filmed as she explored alternative routes to navigate grief was, says Kelsey, “massively therapeutic”.
In addition to visiting a loss of life cafe the place individuals drink tea, eat cake, and talk about loss of life, she tried grief yoga, the place actions and respiration strategies assist individuals course of their emotions. She additionally met with members of Widowed And Younger, a nationwide charity for people who find themselves aged 50 or underneath when their companion dies.
“It’s stunning, isn’t it? I’m 32 and I’m a widow,” sighs Kelsey. “Though my associates are wonderful, they’ll’t actually relate to me as a result of they’ve not misplaced their companion, so I actually loved assembly with the WAY members as a result of they really understood the place I used to be coming from, and that was pretty.”
With this in thoughts, you may sense the enchantment of one other exercise that Kelsey is embarking on as a part of her life journey post-Tom.
Alongside her shut pal, actress and podcaster Giovanna Fletcher, TOWIE star Pete Wicks, and TV character Vicky Pattison, final month Kelsey trekked 100km throughout the Sahara in support of breast most cancers consciousness charity, CoppaFeel!
Flanked by 100 CoppaFeel! supporters, the staff hiked for 10 hours each day via Morocco’s unforgiving panorama, a gruelling problem that might intimidate most. However not Kelsey.
From the day he was recognized with an inoperable grade 4 glioblastoma tumour in October 2020, throughout his 60 periods of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and till the day he died simply hours after mendacity beside Kelsey and putting his platinum wedding ceremony ring on her finger, Tom by no means overlooked hope. And now Kelsey says she is channelling her husband’s energy to finish the most important bodily problem of her life.
“Nothing will be tougher than what Tom confronted throughout these 18 months,” she says, including that she all the time admired his steadfastness underneath strain.
“Tom had such mindset. He threw himself down mountains on ITV’s The Soar, and when he took half in MasterChef, he turned a chef. Regardless of the problem, he all the time took on the duty, and that’s what I’ve bought to do. Get to the Sahara… and tackle the duty.”
Having hit the health club and packed in reformer pilates lessons to bodily put together for the trek, Kelsey is gearing herself up emotionally, and in addition to wanting ahead to sharing “deep dialog” together with her teammates, she is prepared for deep moments of quiet reflection.
Final month, Kelsey Parker took half in CoppaTrek! within the Sahara to boost very important funds and consciousness for breast most cancers charity, CoppaFeel!, proudly sponsored by Regatta Nice Outside. To discover ways to examine your chest, head over to the ‘Self Checkout’ web page on coppafeel.org
“It’s going to be , therapeutic place for me,” says Kelsey. “There are issues I have to let go of, issues I’m nonetheless punishing myself for. I’ll assume, ‘Why didn’t I do this for Tom? I ought to have carried out this,’ despite the fact that I do know deep down there was nothing extra I might have carried out. I assume it’s human nature to torment your self with what ifs and self-blame.
“However the previous two years have made me realise how sturdy I truly am, and that could be a huge motivator for getting via the trek. This expertise has taught me a lot. Oh my god…” Kelsey momentarily pauses.
“That’s so bizarre,” she continues. “A feather actually simply fell on my automotive as we’re speaking.”
Earlier than Tom died, he promised to ship Kelsey ‘indicators’ of his presence. Minutes after he handed away at St Christopher’s Hospice in south London, a white feather fell from the sky onto a bench the place Kelsey was silently weeping.
Lately, Kelsey says two framed footage of the kids have fallen to her bed room flooring.
“It doesn’t scare me. Thomas Parker by no means wished to depart so I do know he’s going to be hanging round, watching what I’m doing and guiding me. That’s massively comforting,” she says, including that though she has not had bereavement counselling, her personal religious beliefs and deep conversations with a spiritualist pal are serving to her “attain a spot of therapeutic”.
As for the kids, Kelsey believes in talking “with honesty” to Aurelia – and, in time, Bodhi – about their father’s passing, and all of the feelings related to that loss.
“I don’t need them to ever look again and really feel I’ve lied to them about something as a result of I’ve shielded them,” says Kelsey. “At first, I defined Tom’s situation to Aurelia as ‘daddy’s bought a foul head’, however now she’s a bit older, she’s overheard me speaking about his mind tumour and now makes use of that terminology.
“At my associates’ wedding ceremony, she was a bridesmaid and had an image of Tom on her bouquet. Within the automotive on the way in which to the church, she was saying, ‘That’s my dad. He’s lifeless. He died of a mind tumour. He’s with The Queen now.’ The daddy of the bride was in tears.”
For all of the decline that she witnessed throughout his final 18 months, Kelsey now largely remembers solely pre-cancer Tom.
“I consider the Tom earlier than who would rock right into a room together with his quiff, going, ‘Alright!’ He was such a drive, and I really feel blessed to have shared such a closeness to him.
“We had been so related, it was like Tom had a radar to see the place I used to be. By some means, wherever I used to be, he’d flip up for half an hour, cease for a little bit of lunch or dinner, then go off to the studio, after which pop up once more. Even now in spirit, I really feel he’s doing that. I do know he won’t ever go away me.”
Pictures | Archive by Ryan courtesy of S Artistic
