As instructed to Nicole Audrey Spector
November is Nationwide Epilepsy Consciousness Month.
It occurred whereas I used to be sleeping. I woke as much as my then-husband, Duane, sobbing over me in mattress. I snapped again into consciousness.
“What are you doing, crying?” I requested.
Duane was not one to interrupt down in tears.
“You have been having a seizure!” he cried.
I bolted up in terror — not a lot for me, however for my child. I used to be 20 weeks pregnant with my second baby.
Instantly, I known as my OB-GYN, who match me in for an appointment in a number of days.
I went again to sleep and had one other (presumably grand mal) seizure later that night time. Then I began having little episodes throughout the day the place I might fully clean on the place I used to be and what I used to be doing.
My OB-GYN didn’t have any solutions about my seizures or no matter else was happening in my mind — in actual fact, she didn’t appear notably interested in what was making them.
She was principally involved with how the newborn was doing. She checked for a heartbeat, which was robust, instructed me I had epilepsy and prescribed anti-seizure medicine for me — and that was that.
The anti-seizure medicine labored for some time. However quickly the seizures returned. I used to be a stay-at-home mother and had at all times devoted myself to caring for my son. However now I wanted my very own caregiver as a result of I used to be having a number of seizures a day. Duane wasn’t ready — and even actually prepared — to deal with the job, so I went to stick with my mom, who works within the medical discipline and has at all times been a strongly advocate for me.
My mother took me to see an OB-GYN who specialised in high-risk pregnancies.
After we have been there, she revealed completely surprising info to the physician: I’d had a seizure throughout a fever as a baby.
This was information to me! Did this imply I’d at all times had epilepsy? Ultimately I might study that it most likely did.
However on that day there have been extra pressing worries. The OB-GYN found that I used to be heading towards early labor. As she defined it, everytime I had a seizure, my physique skilled contractions and I acquired nearer and nearer to delivering my child.
I used to be already 3 centimeters dilated.
My physician ordered strict mattress relaxation — so strict that I couldn’t do it at residence. She had me admitted to the hospital, the place I remained for 3 and a half excruciatingly lengthy months, unable to do something by or for myself.
The worst half was that one of many many medical doctors who floated in my room someday instructed me that it wasn’t the newborn they have been making an attempt to avoid wasting. It was me.
“The newborn gained’t make it,” the physician stated in a scientific, indifferent tone. “She will probably be stillborn.”
I used to be devastated.
It was powerful for me to get by throughout these bedridden months. The gloom and disappointment was as thick as smog. To push by means of it, I relied on the love for my son, my relationship with God, and making artwork, which is my occupation. I’m legally blind and drawing and portray have lengthy been a approach for me to seize the visible great thing about the world round me — even when I can’t at all times see it.
Stephanie Gowdy with one among her work.
One of many solely issues I used to be capable of do within the hospital was draw. So I sketched portraits of my mates utilizing footage on social media.
After I was 38 weeks pregnant, I used to be induced into labor — and lo and behold, my daughter got here out alive and completely wholesome. It was a miracle.
However I used to be removed from out of the woods.
The seizures got here again after a number of months, and I’ve not been capable of maintain them at bay with any medicine, irrespective of how excessive the dose.
I discovered that I’ve been experiencing epilepsy auras, a kind of seizure, all my life. And I nonetheless have them.
For me, an epilepsy aura is sort of a very unhealthy, ominous feeling that takes root within the pit of my abdomen after which branches out over my total being. It may occur wherever and at any time, however the violent episodes — the grand mal seizures — nonetheless happen at night time, sometimes when I’m already asleep.
Stephanie Gowdy and her youngsters, March 2022 (Photograph/Sonia Rodney)
It’s been six years since my daughter was born, and my epilepsy stays a power to be reckoned with. I additionally get horrendous migraine assaults that final weeks at a time. I’m unable to get off the bed on some days. My reminiscence is fuzzy — a lot in order that my son has to ask his academics to write down down any messages for me.
“In any other case Mommy will neglect,” he says.
Quite a few medical doctors have instructed me that they only don’t know what’s improper with me — that there’s nothing they’ll do. That, kind of, I’m alone.
There’s no strategy to sugarcoat it: My journey with epilepsy has been hellish. And but it’s not ever with out hope — not even for a second.
I not solely passionately consider I’ll discover solutions as I proceed to demand them, however that I’m going by means of all this for a motive that’s larger than me.
There has already been one silver lining due to my epilepsy: Duane and I divorced. That sounds unhappy, however belief me, it’s a blessing. Had I not gotten sick, we’d not have ever realized that we have been incompatible.
And I by no means cease looking for solutions. I advocate tirelessly for myself, as do my mom and my mates. I do know that if I don’t uncover a remedy for my epilepsy, I’ll discover a therapy that retains it beneath management.
Regardless of the overwhelming ache and fatigue, artwork flows out from my fingers, filling up pages and pages. I could also be unable to thoroughly see, however my inventive imaginative and prescient is concentrated. I’ll tremble and ache from the seizures, however my hand is regular.
And I’m assured that someday, I will probably be nicely.
Our Actual Ladies, Actual Tales are the genuine experiences of real-life girls. The views, opinions and experiences shared in these tales are usually not endorsed by HealthyWomen and don’t essentially mirror the official coverage or place of HealthyWomen.
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