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Former Russian President Dmitry Medvedev wrote some Twitter fan fiction over the weekend through which he hallucinated the autumn of the West and the rise of the Fourth Reich. Elon Musk thought the thread was “epic.” However first, listed here are three new tales from The Atlantic.
Dima Trolls; Elon Rolls
I don’t miss the Chilly Battle. America’ nice battle with Soviet communism dominated the primary 30 years of my life and decided the trail of my early profession, and I’m glad it’s over. And but, right here I’m, in a wierd reverie concerning the Chilly Battle on the finish of 2022, greater than 30 years after the decreasing of the Soviet flag. Why? Effectively, permit me to introduce you to Dmitry Medvedev, the deputy chairman of the Russian Federation’s Safety Council, and his new dialog accomplice, the Twitter CEO Elon Musk. The debates of yesterday, the banter between Richard Nixon and Nikita Khrushchev, and the frosty competitors between Ronald Reagan and Yuri Andropov have been changed by the equal of Invoice S. Preston, Esquire and Theodore “Ted” Logan shouting “Glorious!” and high-fiving one another over freaky Russian fan fiction.
In case you missed it this weekend, Medvedev—a crony of Russian President Vladimir Putin who was additionally as soon as the precise president of Russia—went on an extended Twitter rant together with his predictions for 2023. I have no idea if Little Dima (as he’s typically referred to as in Moscow) is a consuming man, however I can solely hope that he was fully swacked when he went on this tirade. In any case, let’s check out what a man who was as soon as the supreme commander of all Russian forces thinks will occur subsequent 12 months.
Medvedev is a lawyer by coaching, however he had some deep ideas on economics. He predicts that oil will rise to $150 a barrel—which is in fact Moscow’s dearest want now that the Russian economic system is seemingly based mostly on nothing however petroleum, exit visas, and coffins. For some motive, he thinks the UK will rejoin the European Union, which in flip will destroy the EU and finish the euro as a foreign money. (He additionally thinks that the “largest inventory markets and monetary exercise will go away the US and Europe and transfer to Asia,” and that the euro and the greenback might be changed by—no, actually—“digital fiat currencies.”)
In terms of warfare and politics, Medvedev’s visions get even weirder.
“Poland and Hungary,” he writes, “will occupy western areas of the previously present Ukraine.” (I suppose this comes after Russia magically defeats and partitions Ukraine.) After this, a “Fourth Reich” might be created “encompassing the territory of Germany and its satellites, i.e., Poland, the Baltic states, Czechia, Slovakia, the Kiev Republic, and different outcasts.”
I’m sensing a little bit cultural resentment right here. However let’s press on.
“Battle,” Dima continues, “will get away between France and the Fourth Reich. Europe might be divided, Poland repartitioned within the course of.”
When you’re conserving rating on this trippy recreation of Danger: Russia defeats Ukraine, Poland and Hungary seize the western areas of Ukraine, Germany then subdues Poland and all the things else in East Central Europe and declares itself a brand new Reich. France then defeats this Fourth Reich and proceeds to partition the identical Poland that’s now a part of a joint Polish-Hungarian occupation of Ukraine. Or possibly somebody spilled a bottle of Stoli all around the board, and that is how we’re placing all of it again collectively now that the items are soaked and the map is blurry.
However he’s not carried out. “Northern Eire,” he predicts, “will separate from the UK and be a part of the Republic of Eire.” Hmm. The U.Ok., in Medvedev’s world, would have simply voted to rejoin the EU, which is about to crumble, however in any case, how would Northern Eire …
Look, cease asking questions. Medvedev was as soon as a average and comparatively pro-Western Russian president, however he’s modified his thoughts. As William Harm’s character says in The Massive Chill, “Typically you simply should let artwork stream over you.”
The actual enjoyable begins when Little Dima foresees the top of the USA: “Civil warfare will get away within the US, [with] California and Texas changing into impartial states consequently. Texas and Mexico will type an allied state.” Medvedev may not be the keenest observer of American politics: Texas Governor Greg Abbott doesn’t appear to have any apparent want to transfer the Texas border south in order that extra individuals from Mexico and maybe even Central America might transfer freely by means of Texas as residents and allies.
Little Dima’s remaining flourish was a careless, racist pirouette: “Season greetings to you all, Anglo-Saxon buddies, and their fortunately oinking piglets!” Russian chauvinists going again centuries have at all times been a tad salty about “Anglo-Saxons” and their supposed sense of superiority over the Slavic peoples. The reference to piglets is a throwback to old-school propaganda about worldwide capitalists (whose ethnicity Dima leaves unstated however which, in Russian and Soviet utilization, is usually an anti-Semitic reference).
No Twitter thread this nutty could be full with out trolling the gargantuan ego of the self-described Chief Twit, Elon Musk. In line with Medvedev, Musk will “win the presidential election in plenty of states which, after the brand new Civil Battle’s finish, may have been given to the GOP,” no matter meaning.
Musk’s response? “Epic thread!!” He even made positive so as to add that further exclamation level. You possibly can nearly see him nodding and hitting the facility chords on an air guitar when he says it, most likely in an try to be sarcastic and generate consideration on the similar time. A number of hours later—maybe after the intervention of an grownup—Musk clarified his place and wrote, “These are positively essentially the most absurd predictions I’ve ever heard, whereas additionally exhibiting astonishing lack of understanding of the progress of synthetic intelligence and sustainable power.”
Nice. That must do it. Thanks very a lot, Elon.
That is the place the nostalgia creeps in. I don’t care that Dmitry Medvedev feels like a man in a musty Soviet beer joint railing about the USA. I care {that a} senior Kremlin official—a person who was as soon as on the high of the Russian nuclear chain of command—is tweeting out vile nonsense and persons are merely shrugging, prefer it’s simply one other day in our bizarre century. I care that one of many richest males on this planet, an industrialist who controls a big swath of the general public sq., responded to those unhinged tweets like a goofy teenager.
I stay up for the brand new 12 months. I’m glad that the damaging twentieth century is lengthy over, and I’m satisfied we reside in higher occasions in the present day. However I admit that I discover myself ruefully nostalgic for a world that was dominated by critical adults who believed in critical issues.
Associated:
Right now’s Information
- At the least 30 individuals have died in western New York from the extreme winter storm.
- China has introduced plans to calm down its COVID-19 restrictions for entry into the nation. Starting January 8, individuals with a adverse nucleic-acid take a look at won’t be required to quarantine upon arrival.
- Adam Fox, one of many males convicted of plotting to kidnap Governor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan, was sentenced to 16 years in federal jail. Prosecutors say he led the plot.
Dispatches
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Night Learn
I Love My Litter, Thank You Very A lot
By Burt Solomon
A confession, first: I really like litter.
The horizontal surfaces in my household room are lined with newspapers, magazines, books I’ve began, books I intend to learn, books I need to learn however by no means will, erasable pens, a sweatshirt or two, a soccer ball, a bucket of toy vehicles, and wayward Legos that gouge my stockinged toes. Along with a pc, two telephones, and a TV distant, my desk at house is strewn with notebooks, folders, unfastened papers, birchbark, a modem, scraps of paper with notes to myself, photographs of my spouse and children, flash drives, nail clippers, pens, cash, a stapler, a thesaurus, procuring receipts, a hand-grip strengthener, a blood-pressure cuff, two- and three-dimensional likenesses of Abraham Lincoln, 4 baseballs, three baseball caps, two 1909 baseball playing cards, two flashlights, a pair of AirPods, a miniature boxing glove my father gave me earlier than I can keep in mind, one Pokémon card, and two Tibetan bowls.
Extra From The Atlantic
Tradition Break
Learn. “A Black Birch in Winter,” a poem by Richard Wilbur, which was printed in The Atlantic in 1974.
“You may not know this previous tree by its bark, / Which as soon as was striate, easy, and glossy-dark, / So deep now are the rifts which separate / Its roughened floor into flake and plate.”
Watch. Stream Glass Onion on Netflix, after which learn an interview with the director Rian Johnson about why the Knives Out sequel is louder and angrier than the primary film.
P.S.
I’ve just a few New Yr’s resolutions, and so they are usually the identical as all of my earlier New Yr’s resolutions: I need to cease getting older and put on the identical garments that match me in school. Failing that, I normally hope for world peace, after which I accept a normal hope that no matter type of an individual I used to be final 12 months, I can do a bit higher this 12 months. (At the least I don’t fall down the Steve Martin rabbit gap, though his epic bit from Saturday Night time Dwell in 1986 might be a extra sincere set of needs than most of us will admit.)
What’s your New Yr’s decision? Inform us! Ship me an electronic mail at emailnewsletters@theatlantic.com, or simply hit reply to this article. I ask solely that you simply hold it brief—one sentence!—and that it displays one thing you’re really resolving to do or hoping for or attempting to attain in 2023. Humorous is nice too, however I’m curious to see what you’re all striving for within the coming 12 months. I’m going to nudge a few of the Day by day workforce so as to add their resolutions as properly; we would even get my colleague Isabel Fattal to resolve to see a few of the Nineteen Eighties motion pictures we hold referencing right here within the e-newsletter, however we are able to’t promise miracles. We’ll acquire your entire resolutions over the subsequent few days, and we’ll shut out the 12 months on Friday by discussing them.
— Tom
Isabel Fattal contributed to this article.
